BAKERSFIELD,CA- Casey and Michael Woodruff couldn't wait to tell their daughter Haley she would soon become a big sister.
"We went to a gender reveal and found out we were having a boy and then I go to the doctor and the doctor said they found an anomaly on the ultrasound," said Casey.
Twenty-one weeks into pregnancy the Woodruffs learned their son had Trisomy 18, a random defect that happens at conception and effects one of every 2500 pregnancies in the U.S.
"We basically had to tell everyone we knew that our son was going to die at some point," said Casey, as she began to cry. "We didn't know when, we didn't know if he would make it to birth or not."
Their son Brendan passed away as soon as he was born.
"The doctor says he was born alive but he passed before we ever got a chance to hold him. But we did get to hold him. We had him for about eight hours or so."
The couple tried to get pregnant five months later and it worked, but three weeks after they suffered a miscarriage.
"That put me especially into a severe depression for a while. Because again it was like losing Brendan all over again and just thinking when will God let me have a child? All I want is a baby and I can't have one."
Couples often experience depression and marital strife after the loss of a child according to a 2010 National Institutes of Health report. In Kern county, 29 percent of children ages 18 and under who pass away do so because of natural causes according to the Kern County Child Death Review Team.
Many parents are searching for a place to heal. The Woodruffs found healing at Empty Arms, a 12-week support group for grieving parents at the Bakersfield Pregnancy Center which helps parents understand feelings of grief during such an abnormal life circumstance.
"They feel so alone even from each other because they don't understand how the other is grieving," said counselor Barbara Stone. "Especially women they'll cry a lot and for a man he can't protect his wife and he feels helpless."
"The world went on and yet we were still going through this grieving process," shared Empty Arms participant Tonia Aguilera.
Other participants like Jessica Powell share similar feelings.
"It's hard to wake up everyday feeling ready to go when your brain isn't. You literally can't think of anything else other than what happened, why did this happen, why me, why where is she, she should be here," shared Powell.
"It does change you completely and your whole outlook on life and what's important to you," said Michael Woodruff.
Empty Arms helped the Woodruffs deal with their grief and these days their arms are full. Six months ago they welcomed their second child, Ryder.
Casey: "It's a wonderful wonderful feeling to have him and to be a complete family."
Mike: "Happy we have two more in heaven and.."
Casey: "We have two more waiting for us."
For more information about grief and to learn more about Empty Arms, contact Barbara and John Stone at 661-805-1896.
"We went to a gender reveal and found out we were having a boy and then I go to the doctor and the doctor said they found an anomaly on the ultrasound," said Casey.
Twenty-one weeks into pregnancy the Woodruffs learned their son had Trisomy 18, a random defect that happens at conception and effects one of every 2500 pregnancies in the U.S.
"We basically had to tell everyone we knew that our son was going to die at some point," said Casey, as she began to cry. "We didn't know when, we didn't know if he would make it to birth or not."
Their son Brendan passed away as soon as he was born.
"The doctor says he was born alive but he passed before we ever got a chance to hold him. But we did get to hold him. We had him for about eight hours or so."
The couple tried to get pregnant five months later and it worked, but three weeks after they suffered a miscarriage.
"That put me especially into a severe depression for a while. Because again it was like losing Brendan all over again and just thinking when will God let me have a child? All I want is a baby and I can't have one."
Couples often experience depression and marital strife after the loss of a child according to a 2010 National Institutes of Health report. In Kern county, 29 percent of children ages 18 and under who pass away do so because of natural causes according to the Kern County Child Death Review Team.
Many parents are searching for a place to heal. The Woodruffs found healing at Empty Arms, a 12-week support group for grieving parents at the Bakersfield Pregnancy Center which helps parents understand feelings of grief during such an abnormal life circumstance.
"They feel so alone even from each other because they don't understand how the other is grieving," said counselor Barbara Stone. "Especially women they'll cry a lot and for a man he can't protect his wife and he feels helpless."
"The world went on and yet we were still going through this grieving process," shared Empty Arms participant Tonia Aguilera.
Other participants like Jessica Powell share similar feelings.
"It's hard to wake up everyday feeling ready to go when your brain isn't. You literally can't think of anything else other than what happened, why did this happen, why me, why where is she, she should be here," shared Powell.
"It does change you completely and your whole outlook on life and what's important to you," said Michael Woodruff.
Empty Arms helped the Woodruffs deal with their grief and these days their arms are full. Six months ago they welcomed their second child, Ryder.
Casey: "It's a wonderful wonderful feeling to have him and to be a complete family."
Mike: "Happy we have two more in heaven and.."
Casey: "We have two more waiting for us."
For more information about grief and to learn more about Empty Arms, contact Barbara and John Stone at 661-805-1896.